Visitors

It's nearly 3:00 a.m. Wednesday early morning and I'm still awake. I helped introduce my father to gmail and sign him up in the past hour. He's working on his e-mails in the desk next to me, so I guess this is male bonding in the 21st century.

On Monday night we watched "The Bucket List," an excellent film produced by Rob Reiner ("Stand By Me" and "The Princess Bride") and stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as 2 older men who share a hospital room and are both diagnosed with terminal cancer. After the family of Carter (Freeman) leaves, Edward Cole (Nicholson) makes a comment that more hospital patients have died of visitors than from anything else.

During the past 10 days, we haven't felt overwhelmed by visitors in general. I've fielded the majority of phone calls, as well as nearly all the e-mail notes and condoleances.

Earlier today we had a fun visit with our friends Charles & Magalie. They make us laugh whenever we see them, which is good. They also engage our kids well.

My wife did get upset over one phone call today. The person whom she was talking to probably meant well and has already been helpful to us. However, this person went into some areas where she probably shouldn't have at this point. The phone call quickly ended after that.

In Job, there are 3 of his friends who came to comfort him. They sad in silence around him for awhile, which probably was the best thing they did. It may be have been comfortable for Job to have them present.

The problem came when they opened their mouths. Their "comfort" ended up being hurtful and accusatory. This was the opposite of encouraging .

In some of the e-mail messages, people have meant well, but wrote things that could have been taken wrong. I realize that addressing people in bereavement is not easy and takes some courage. But sometimes the best thing is to not say anything. When one does say something, trite answers aren't really satisfying or restorative. With death, many times there are not clear answers or explanations.

Yesterday someone close asked if I felt that Jessica's death was because of spiritual warfare. Interesting question to consider, but probably not very helpful at this point. I personally don't think that there is a link between her early departure and spiritual warfare. I may reflect on this question later, but have felt that she was taken because that was God's time for her to move on. While I don't understand the why of this, I trust in God's goodness and love and that He will do good to Jessie and that she is safe now.

But overall, we have been moved by so many words of affection and kindness...which are still coming. "The Bucket List" ends with an excellent song by John Mayer titled "Say." We're blessed to be alive and receive these expressions, as they often happen after one is lying in a casket and can't really benefit from this life-giving and healing balm.

"Say" by John Mayer

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]