Fatherhood

Yesterday was Father's Day. It was my 9th one as a father.

My wife & 3 kids surprised me with a waffle breakfast. We all climbed into our bed & ate together. Fortunately, we didn't have any syrup, so it was a lot neater than it might have normally been.

As my younger daughter has the chicken pox, she stayed home with my wife, while I took my older two to our ch*rch's worship service. Every 2 or 3 weeks, there is a special catechism for the older kids. We're thankful that they've been able to get some more formal biblical teaching in this way.

After we got home, my wife got Pizza Hut for lunch for us. This is a treat that we often do on birthdays & special occasions.

I then went off to another ch*rch for the religious wedding ceremony of our friends Ch & Ma. I've known Ch for 22 years. My wife was Ma's witness at their civil wedding ceremony 7 years ago. It was encouraging to see the influence of their lives & work in all their friends at the ceremony. They are some of the friends who we've gotten to journey with together over the years in Paris.

It was good to see Ch's son Hu at the reception. He was 4 or 5 when I first met him. It's good to see how he has turned out, as this is an example of G*d's grace.

Being a father is something I enjoy, well, most of the time. Sometimes it's tiring and I would rather be left along. But most of the time, I enjoy being with my kids. As their personalities & capacity to reason are developing, I find them more fun to be around, well, most of the time. It's interesting to see them discover & process the world around them.

A big part of fatherhood is stewardship. In the Psalms, it compares children to arrows. Being a father involves helping the children to move in a strategic & precise direction. This involves trying to understand each child, with his/her particularities, gifts, strengths, weaknesses and particular life calling.

I recently heard Tim Kéller give a 2-3 blurb of the ministry & one's family. He said that at the many pastor's life, that pastor's primary regret was not spending enough time with his wife & children. He suggested trying to proactively reduce that regret by spending time with them now.

Every week I receive a p@stor's letter from Bob Tollïver. This week's one is on fatherhood. He cites a book by Bruce Feiler (www.brucefeiler.com) titled "The Counsel of Dads." Feiler is one of only a handful of New York Times sellers to have four consecutive best sellers in the past decade.

Tolliver cites Bruce Feiler as writing the following:

God and Dad: Four Lessons of Faith.

Why are men abandoning God?

Religion is increasingly a woman’s domain in America. Two-thirds of church and synagogue attendees are women, studies show, with young men fleeing the pews even faster. On any given weekend, 13 million more women than men will attend religious institutions.

Home is even worse. Moms are usually the ones talking about God at the dinner table. When the topic turns to faith, Dad is usually out to lunch.

What a shame. Fathers can find great inspiration in faith. For the last dozen years, I’ve traced the influence of the Bible through the Middle East and America looking at how religious figures from the past are relevant to today’s families. In Walking the Bible, I climbed Mount Ararat, crossed the Red Sea, and spent weeks recreating the Exodus through the desert. In Where God Was Born, I continued that journey through the second half the Bible in Israel, Iraq, and Iran. In America’s Prophet, I explored how the story of Moses has influenced Americans from the Liberty Bell, through the Statue of Liberty, through Cecil B. DeMille and Charlton Heston.

Two years ago this week I was struck by a life-threatening illness and suddenly my travels took a more personal turn. What lessons of faith would I pass on to my three-year-old twin daughters? My new book, The Council of Dads, includes a Father’s Four Lessons of Faith.

1. Wrestle with God. In Genesis 32, Jacob wrestles with a messenger of God. The two come to a standstill, and the messenger leaves a mark on Jacob. The scar does not end up on Jacob’s hand, nor on his head, his heart, or his eyes. Humans experience God, the text suggests, not by touching him, imagining him, feeling him, or seeing him. Jacob is scarred on his leg, for the essential way humans experience God is by walking with him. Forever after, Jacob is called “Israel,” one who wrestles with God. Don’t be afraid of doubt. The true way to experience the divine is struggle with him.

2. Befriend the Stranger. There’s a reason the Exodus story has inspired so many Americans. It’s a narrative of home. “This year we are slaves, but next year we can be free.” History is not set in stone. It is not an immovable pyramid. The pyramid can be flipped. When you despair, when you hurt, when you fear – and especially when you encounter those feelings in others – remember the slaves who first groaned under bondage. You should read the Israelites’ story and remember: There is a moral dimension to the universe. Right can prevail over might; justice can triumph over evil. Flip a few pyramids yourselves along the way. Overturn injustice. Befriend the stranger, for you, yourselves, were strangers once in a land with no hope.

3. Plunge Into the Waters. One reason Moses is America’s true founding father is that evangelizes action; he justifies risk. He gives ordinary people the courage to live with uncertainty. The visionaries who have been inspired by him – Christopher Columbus, Benjamin Franklin, Harriet Tubman, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King – were not born to greatness. They became great by tapping into the anger and hope within themselves. Imagine your own promised land, girls, plunge into the waters, persevere through the dryness, and don’t be surprised – or saddened – if you’re stopped just short of your dream. Because the ultimate lesson of Moses’ life is that the dream does not die with the dreamer, and the true destination in a narrative of hope is not this year at all. But next.

4. Be Reunited With the Ones You Love. The Council of Dads tells the story of my “lost year” fighting cancer and the men I asked to be father figures to my daughters. Today I am cancer-free, and I learned a powerful lesson during that experience. The Liberty Bell has a quote from Moses on its side, “Proclaim Liberty throughout the world, unto all the inhabitants thereof.” This line refers to a tradition whereby every seven years, farmers are obliged to give their fields a year of rest. Every 49 years the land gets an extra year of rest, during which all families are reunited, and all people reunited with the ones they love. That fiftieth year is called the jubilee year. That tradition perfectly captures my experience. My “lost year” was my jubilee year. I was needy. I was a stranger. I was reunited with the ones I love. Don't forget to slow down, girls. Reunite with the ones you love.

Take trips. Take chances. Take off.

English Club end of the year party #1

In a couple of hours, we'll host the end of the year party for the Saturday morning English club. My wife has bravely hung in there since September with this group of 6-9 year olds. She's created materials each week, like most 1st year teachers have to do.

It's been a good way to get to know some kids & their families & render a service to them. It's been good for our children to help with the English clubs & earn some spending money. Our son spent 26 euros this week on a "Star Wars" book. This money was earned by helping with English club, around the house, as well as by doing well on his weekly spelling tests.

I read the chapter titled "Friend...But I Don't Know Any Sinners" in David Putnam's "Detox for the Overly Religious" this morning. He cites Mark 2:17--"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." He writes (p. 133):

Toxic Religion: We build religious walls around us to protect ourselves from people who aren't like us.

The Jesus Way: Jesus pushes us outside our walls and comfort zones where we become "friends of sinners."

In The Tangible Kingdom, Matt Smay & Hugh Halter talk about being "advocates" for people. We work in their favor.

Both Smay & Halter and Putnam cite the story of Jesus before the Pharisees when the woman was caught in adultery.

May today's party be one where Jesus shows up.

Finally, I found this great quote on my friend Philip Sawyer's Facebook.

TO BE A WITNESS
does not consist in engaging in propaganda
nor even in stirring people up,
but in being a living mystery.
It means to live in such a way
...that one’s life would not make sense
if God did not exist.

~ Cardinal Emanuel Celestin SUHARD

Wrapping up & goodbyes

Today was the first official end of the school year party for an event that we've been involved in this year. Our son had his final session of football (soccer) and there was a party. We got to speak to his coach David & mention that our son wouldn't be around for next year.

On Sunday night we announced to our kids our plan to spend the next school year in America on Home Ministry Assignment. They actually seemed quite excited about that idea.

Tonight our dear friends Alain & Nathalie told us to be at the corner of Rue Sorbier & Rue Ménilmontant by 9:15 p.m. We got one of our neighbors to come & watch the kids. We ended up getting treated to a French musical comedy theatrical piece called "Coups de Foudre" www.coupsdefoudre.fr . When someone gets hit "falling in love," the French call this "un coup de foudre," which literally has to do with getting hit by lighting & thunder. It was a fun play. We then went out for hot chocolate & fruit drinks @ a café just around the corner from the Vingtième Théâtre.

After having spent pretty much the last 10 years here in Paris and in our neighborhood, it feels a little strange to be planning to spend a year stateside. The last time we did this was in 1998. We had planned 1 year for graduate school for Nicole, then ended up spending 2 years @ Wheaton & both of us getting grad degrees. We had no kids back then, so life was much simpler in some ways back then.

There are a lot of reasons why we believe this is a good and right time to be doing this now. However, there still are lots of loose ends that need to be tied up on both sides of the Atlantic.

Pr*yer for Pers#cuted ch&rch in Ind*a

A friend forwarded me the link to the following 3 minute video about the pers@cution of Xi@n brothers & sisters in Ind*a.

It's a powerful reminder to pr@y for them and others being directly pers@cuted for their f@ith. They are the heroes, the modern-day Hebrews 11 people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lMqscv6bYo

World Cup South Africa 2010 Opening

The Mens World Cup of Football (Soccer) 2010 opened up in South Africa on Friday.

This event held every 4 years is one of my favorite sports activities. Soccer (known as "football" in most of the world outside the U.S.) is the most popular sport in the world (although basketball is growing in its popularity). In many countries, business activities slow down for a month so that workers can watch the matches. Even the preliminary matches during the first couple of weeks are usually good, no matter who is playing.

I'm thrilled that an African nation is hosting this tournament. Hopefully South Africa and all of Africa are encouraged by a successful & safe tournament. It's amazing to think of all the changes in South Africa during the last 20 years.

I was disappointed in France's 0-0 tie with Uraguay. I don't like the leadership style of France's current coach & thought that he should have been replaced 2 years ago. He started a strange lineup on Friday that was missing Thierry Henry (a definite game player who puts the ball in the goal) and Florent Malouda. They were put in for the last 15 minutes of regulation time & France played much better. But had they been in from the beginning, I think that France would have gotten at least 1 goal.

Last night the U.S. tied England 1-1. England was favored, so a tie isn't too bad. The U.S. played much better than I had expected. A good number of their players are on club teams in England, which means they are getting some better competition on a daily basis, versus playing only in the U.S.

A friend sent me a link to a music video on the resurr*ection done by a ch&rch in Budapest, Hungary. Here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5dSIL358NM I love the celebration & joy I see in it. It looks like part of an opening ceremony to a sporting event like the Olympics.

It's a good reminder that, while crowds will celebrate the victories of their national teams in the World Cup, the greatest event to celebrate is the resurr*ection of Chr*st. This is a historic event with implications even today & for eternity. It's something that people from all nations can celebrate, both communally, as well as individually.

Drinking coffee & sharing stories

Yesterday after dropping of my 4 year old at her school, I went to a café with 2 other dads from this school. Both are artists. One is a French-born documentary producer (married to a woman from Niger). His daughter was in class with my older daughter for 3 years and participates in one of my wife's weekly English clubs. The other is has roots from Algeria & does calligraphy as his profession. He recently gave us a beautiful calendar of his work.

I really enjoyed hanging out with these 2 guys. It was the 3rd time that I've done so in this cafe, although it's been a couple of weeks now.

All sorts of subjects came up during the course of our freeform & non-agenda discussion. One was the difficulty of immigration, including the exploitation of people from the global South trying to move to the "rich" North. I couldn't help thinking about the works against human traficking that I know of and how these guys would probably be interested in helping as they could.

I don't think any of us were trying to impress each other. There was lots of laughter.

I couldn't help but thinking that this is what the T@ngible Kingdom approach is all about. It's going where people are, sharing life, and trying to be "whimsically holy." M@tt Sm@y and Hugh H@lter point out that whimsical holiness isn't as much about avoiding what we can't do as much as it is about discovering all the things that we can do.

While walking back home, another neighborhood friend & school mom said that she saw us "3 muskateers" going into the café. Her husband sometimes participates as well. I'm glad that she noticed that I was with them & even considered me as 1 of the 3 muskateers.

The documentary maker may not regularly be coming to the school after this month, as they have moved outside of Paris & his daughter will start elementary school in their neighborhood. He mentioned having a bbq at their home. I hope that we can maintain seeing each other after school ends. I think that the TK project that we hope to set up would facilitate getting together.

Transitions

In general, I like change. I get bored if everything stays the same. When we go to a restaurant, I often will order something new, just to try something different. If it's not that great, like the cow's tail that I ordered 3 weeks ago, then it's not a great loss. But if it's great, then it's a new discovery.

However, major changes do bring extra stress & fatigue, even if the change is an exciting one. When we had our first child over 8 years ago, it was all new and we were really tired. But now we can't imagine life without our children. I have been in a transformation process as a person through the change of adding children into our home. This process continues on as our children grow and change themselves.

Twelve years ago, we returned to the U.S. for what we thought would be 1 year of graduate school for my wife. We also changed agencies as well to our current one. We had just been married 1 year, which had been a huge change for us too. We moved to a location new to my wife, but that I had known as a single for 2 years. We began attending a new church and a new young marrieds adult Bible fellowship. We ended up extending that planned 1 year into 2 years and both did M.A.s.

A year ago at this time, our lives seemed pretty stable here in Paris. But a conversation with a friend & colleague in a Paris cafe last October has begun a process of change that now feels like it's moving at breakneck speed. While it was just my wife & me 12 years ago, there now are 3 children involved as well.

Last November, a wise former professor & now friend gave some wise advice. I shared about this possible transition when it was just in the early stages of discussion. He said, "Don't leave something, but rather move into something."

I've thought about this over the past few months. This probable new transition isn't primarily due to wanting to leave our current organization or location or ministry. It rather is wanting to pursue an opportunity that continues to grow in excitement & possibility for us. However, moving into this "new thing" would necessitate some changes in our priorities & ministry allegiances.

As followers of Chr*st, we should be changing & becoming more conformed to His image and agenda. As we do this and follow His path for us, we will need some changes in our lives. Some of these will be relatively minor in terms of the overall repercussions in our lives, while others will be major.

We hope to receive further official news later this week. We'll advise further here about the details.