Yesterday I attended my 4 year old daughter's first dance recital. 150 of us were squeezed in a small auditorium for this prestigious event. She attends dance class on Tuesday after school. It has become a highlight of her week, even though she first balked at attending it. She even hesitated several weeks ago at participating in this performance. But her aunt Nathalie and my wife worked to sew sequins and a belt on her outfit, so that she looked like a princess on the film Aladdin. This did the trick to motivate her to want to be in the show.
Before the show, my wife curled her hair, put some makeup on her, and painted her fingernails and toenails. I already can imagine my daughters doing this as teens.
Her group was the first act in the show. She looked very calm on the stage and even looked like she enjoyed herself. When I asked her afterwards if she was nervous, she said no. She danced very well to the song from the Aladdin film.
I'm new to the world of dance and dance shows. But it is something that she loves...and my younger daughter will probably love too. So we'll have to do a ballet sometime.
There were a lot of girls at their school who were in the performance. It's a good networking activity for the kids, as well as for their parents.
Unlike her older and younger siblings, my 4 year old is shy and sometimes afraid to try new things. Dance is a way that she can come out of herself and express herself. I hope that she can also use it as a way of worshiping God. Some churches can handle this and some can't.
We plan on visiting a new church in Paris this morning. For our kids' spiritual and social development, we are looking at some other options. While we as parents have the primary responsibility to oversee this area, we need help from the local church. Children have an openness to spiritual things that often isn't there afterwards. We don't want to waste this opportunity in the lives of our kids.
Yesterday afternoon our son went over to the home of one of his classmates for a couple of hours. We've had her over many times, so it was good that he could go to her place for the first time.
I'm reflecting on ways to help each of my kids develop in areas that they need special attention on. In this way, parenting is hard and time-consuming work. Some of it is natural and flows easily. But other areas require intentional effort that goes against my and my kids' natural flow.
samedi 5 avril 2008
mardi 1 avril 2008
Baby boom
Several weeks ago, it was medically confirmed that my wife is carrying our 4th child. She is now nearing the end of her 2nd month of pregnancy. Like our other 3 children, this one is not a "surprise," neither to us nor to God.
When we first married, we both wanted 2 children, one boy and one girl. God graciously gave us our wish: our son in early 2002 and our older daughter in later 2003. We were happy with these 2, as my wife and I were comfortable with 2 kids, since we're both from 2 kid families.
In 2005, we began sensing that God wanted to expand our boundaries by having a 3rd child. When we finally discussed this together, we were both excited and fearful about having to go into a "zone defense" in parenting. And it was a shock to go from 2 to 3. But now we can't imagine our home without our 3rd child. She's now 2 going on 12, as she does everything earlier than the other 2. She keeps things loose in our home when the older 2 get on each other's nerves.
While we were happy with 3, we never closed the door on having a 4th. But we knew (and know) that it will be a stretch in terms of time, energy, and financial resources. For me, it was like God was asking me if I trusted in His capacity to provide for us in ways above and beyond what we've seen already.
In early February, my wife and I both felt God saying to us that we should try for #4. Conception happened within that week, although the pregnancy tests didn't confirm this until a month afterwards.
The doors were opened for her to have the same doctor and the same maternity ward for this pregnancy and delivery. In Paris, you have to reserve a place in your desired maternity often in the first month of pregnancy. We have had good experiences with both of them with the previous 3 pregnancies and deliveries. When we went in to sign my wife up at the maternity, our doctor was there and got to see all 3 of the kids that he helped bring into the world.
My wife had her first medical exam last week and the baby looked good in the ultrasound. She's tired a lot, which has been the case in her first trimester carrying the other children.
We have the impression that this child is a boy. Our impressions of our children's genders were right on with our first 2 and completely off with #3. The 2nd trimester ultrasound normally shows the gender, so we'll see then.
During the past few years, a number of people have commented that "you have beautiful kids" and "you should have more children." Obviously, we're partial toward our kids. But the mixture of Asian and Caucasian genes makes for some exotic looking children. I call it the "Tiger Woods" syndrome.
Surprisingly, it seems like our number of contacts with "outsiders" (people outside of Christianity) has increased exponentially with each child that we've had. Parisiens love kids and dogs. We must either we seem less threatening with kids around or we need to go out more often because of the kids. I would say that our overall effectiveness in Paris as cross-cultural workers has multiplied because of our kids.
Our 2 girls are especially excited about the baby, particularly our older daughter. We told her first and her eyes lit up with excitement at the news (as well as being told first). All 3 kids want to help feed the baby. I think that with the extra help and independence of kids, this child's early life with be easier for my wife and me to handle than it was for the other 3.
Please pray for strength for my wife, protection for her and the baby, and some initial revelation from God about this child's particular destiny in the world. Pray for our 2 year old's adjustment to no longer being the baby of the family.
When we first married, we both wanted 2 children, one boy and one girl. God graciously gave us our wish: our son in early 2002 and our older daughter in later 2003. We were happy with these 2, as my wife and I were comfortable with 2 kids, since we're both from 2 kid families.
In 2005, we began sensing that God wanted to expand our boundaries by having a 3rd child. When we finally discussed this together, we were both excited and fearful about having to go into a "zone defense" in parenting. And it was a shock to go from 2 to 3. But now we can't imagine our home without our 3rd child. She's now 2 going on 12, as she does everything earlier than the other 2. She keeps things loose in our home when the older 2 get on each other's nerves.
While we were happy with 3, we never closed the door on having a 4th. But we knew (and know) that it will be a stretch in terms of time, energy, and financial resources. For me, it was like God was asking me if I trusted in His capacity to provide for us in ways above and beyond what we've seen already.
In early February, my wife and I both felt God saying to us that we should try for #4. Conception happened within that week, although the pregnancy tests didn't confirm this until a month afterwards.
The doors were opened for her to have the same doctor and the same maternity ward for this pregnancy and delivery. In Paris, you have to reserve a place in your desired maternity often in the first month of pregnancy. We have had good experiences with both of them with the previous 3 pregnancies and deliveries. When we went in to sign my wife up at the maternity, our doctor was there and got to see all 3 of the kids that he helped bring into the world.
My wife had her first medical exam last week and the baby looked good in the ultrasound. She's tired a lot, which has been the case in her first trimester carrying the other children.
We have the impression that this child is a boy. Our impressions of our children's genders were right on with our first 2 and completely off with #3. The 2nd trimester ultrasound normally shows the gender, so we'll see then.
During the past few years, a number of people have commented that "you have beautiful kids" and "you should have more children." Obviously, we're partial toward our kids. But the mixture of Asian and Caucasian genes makes for some exotic looking children. I call it the "Tiger Woods" syndrome.
Surprisingly, it seems like our number of contacts with "outsiders" (people outside of Christianity) has increased exponentially with each child that we've had. Parisiens love kids and dogs. We must either we seem less threatening with kids around or we need to go out more often because of the kids. I would say that our overall effectiveness in Paris as cross-cultural workers has multiplied because of our kids.
Our 2 girls are especially excited about the baby, particularly our older daughter. We told her first and her eyes lit up with excitement at the news (as well as being told first). All 3 kids want to help feed the baby. I think that with the extra help and independence of kids, this child's early life with be easier for my wife and me to handle than it was for the other 3.
Please pray for strength for my wife, protection for her and the baby, and some initial revelation from God about this child's particular destiny in the world. Pray for our 2 year old's adjustment to no longer being the baby of the family.
samedi 22 mars 2008
Resurrection Sunday morning
It's cold and dark outside this morning. The rest of my family is sleeping still, as is most of Paris.
It probably was under similar circumstances when the women were going to the tomb of Jesus early that first Easter morning. They were heart-broken, disillusioned, and confused. Their dreams had been dashed several days earlier when Jesus was crucified, declared dead, and was buried in the tomb. Their vision for a brighter future had been destroyed, or so it seemed.
Nearly 2,000 years later, we know what happened that morning. The angel outside the tomb testified that Jesus was no longer there, but has risen from the dead. Soon they would see their Savior in His new and perfect resurrection body.
I find it easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and ministry. While both have their challenges, I generally enjoy both. I'm motivated to advance with my marriage and family and with my ministry career. I want to see the world transformed, and my corner of it, in particular. But I was reminded several days ago that, as good as these things may be, it is the death and resurrection of Jesus that really gives them value. If Jesus wasn't resurrection, then the whole foundation upon which I'm trying to build my life is in vain.
Joy to the world. He is risen. Alleluia.
This is the hope that we bring to the world. The risen Jesus still can and does resurrect dead, hopeless, and broken lives. This is what we will celebrate together at our local church in Paris, as well as in churches all around the world.
It probably was under similar circumstances when the women were going to the tomb of Jesus early that first Easter morning. They were heart-broken, disillusioned, and confused. Their dreams had been dashed several days earlier when Jesus was crucified, declared dead, and was buried in the tomb. Their vision for a brighter future had been destroyed, or so it seemed.
Nearly 2,000 years later, we know what happened that morning. The angel outside the tomb testified that Jesus was no longer there, but has risen from the dead. Soon they would see their Savior in His new and perfect resurrection body.
I find it easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and ministry. While both have their challenges, I generally enjoy both. I'm motivated to advance with my marriage and family and with my ministry career. I want to see the world transformed, and my corner of it, in particular. But I was reminded several days ago that, as good as these things may be, it is the death and resurrection of Jesus that really gives them value. If Jesus wasn't resurrection, then the whole foundation upon which I'm trying to build my life is in vain.
Joy to the world. He is risen. Alleluia.
This is the hope that we bring to the world. The risen Jesus still can and does resurrect dead, hopeless, and broken lives. This is what we will celebrate together at our local church in Paris, as well as in churches all around the world.
samedi 8 mars 2008
Didn't get around to vacuuming the living room
Yesterday was another one those busy days that we regularly live.
In the morning and early early afternoon, we did a family outing to downtown Paris. We didn't go away during this 2 week "winter ski vacation" that the French school calendar has programmed in. So we did do this event together. At our son's wish, we invited one of his classmates, whose parents are from North Africa and whose mother practices the main religion of that region. This friend has regularly come over to our home during school breaks.
We took the bus downtown together. Our 3 kids and their friend enthusiastically took turns riding plastic sleds down the "hill" that the City of Paris sets up from December through this weekend. The City of Paris has some nice events and activities for children. We splurged and took a lunch break at McDonalds, which is not inexpensive here. Before the meal, my wife explained that we pray before meals to thank God for providing the food. Our 4 year old daughter volunteered to do so. She prayed in a natural manner for a 4 year old, which was great.
After lunch, we did a couple more rounds on the sled hill. While waiting in line this time, we met another American couple with 2 children. He's an international lawyer and she works for a NY university. My wife spoke with them while I was wandering around and trying to keep our 2 year old entertained. They got excited to learn about the arts association I help with, as their family helper has studied photography and is looking to pursue further that area. So we exchanged business cards and will hopefully be in touch. From their names, they are probably Jewish, which wouldn't be surprising since they are from New York and he is a lawyer.
I would love to have a photo of the 6 of us taking up the entire back row of the bus. As I thought about the time together, I was struck with the idea that we probably should try to regularly bring one of our children's friends with us when we do smaller outings like this.
In a situation where Erwin McManus wanted to provide an intense program of accelerated spiritual growth for his future replacement as pastor, he invited the person (a believer of less than one year) to live with him and his family for a year. About this particular case, McManus writes, "I was inviting him to observe us up close. We, too, would not be able to hide who we are. This was not a formal discipleship structure. It was an invitation to enter our lives and know us for who we really are. If you want to increase your influence, risk bringing people up close. Of course, it is important to first ask the question, If I bring someone close enough to see the real me, what will he see? Who will he become?" (Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment, p. 128).
After we got back, our friend's brother came by and picked her up. We then moved into the next phase of our day: rest time for the kids and me getting ready for the 3 University of Georgia students to come over for orientation and supper.
Lauren, Lisa, and Britt arrived yesterday afternoon for a weeklong project with the arts ministry. I arranged for their housing, including last night's stay in a youth hostel near our apartment. Before they came, I mixed the crêpe batter and did a final revision and printing of their schedule.
I was about to get the vacuum out when the doorbell rang and it was them. Our living room accumulates crumbs very quickly and needs to be vacuumed at least every other day. However, this often doesn't happen. Nearly 20 years ago, I remember a colleague with 4 kids saying that one price of showing hospitality was not being able to have her house completely cleaned and arranged when people came over. Now I understand and live this reality. We try to keep it picked up and arranged in a way that shows order, following some of the ideas of Edith Schaeffer, wife and ministry partner of European ministry and art ministry pioneer Francis Schaeffer. But having everything spotless just isn't compatible with showing hospitality. If we want our house to be a museum, then we won't be able to have people over.
We apologized for the crumbs on the floor and said that we were just about to vacuum. It didn't seem to matter to them. What was more important was the meal and time that we enjoyed together. We've done crêpe nights many times over the years with teams that have come and everyone seems to have enjoyed them.
The 3 students will be back over for lunch today and we probably still won't have vacuumed, due to lack of time and energy. Oh well. Maybe tonight?
In the morning and early early afternoon, we did a family outing to downtown Paris. We didn't go away during this 2 week "winter ski vacation" that the French school calendar has programmed in. So we did do this event together. At our son's wish, we invited one of his classmates, whose parents are from North Africa and whose mother practices the main religion of that region. This friend has regularly come over to our home during school breaks.
We took the bus downtown together. Our 3 kids and their friend enthusiastically took turns riding plastic sleds down the "hill" that the City of Paris sets up from December through this weekend. The City of Paris has some nice events and activities for children. We splurged and took a lunch break at McDonalds, which is not inexpensive here. Before the meal, my wife explained that we pray before meals to thank God for providing the food. Our 4 year old daughter volunteered to do so. She prayed in a natural manner for a 4 year old, which was great.
After lunch, we did a couple more rounds on the sled hill. While waiting in line this time, we met another American couple with 2 children. He's an international lawyer and she works for a NY university. My wife spoke with them while I was wandering around and trying to keep our 2 year old entertained. They got excited to learn about the arts association I help with, as their family helper has studied photography and is looking to pursue further that area. So we exchanged business cards and will hopefully be in touch. From their names, they are probably Jewish, which wouldn't be surprising since they are from New York and he is a lawyer.
I would love to have a photo of the 6 of us taking up the entire back row of the bus. As I thought about the time together, I was struck with the idea that we probably should try to regularly bring one of our children's friends with us when we do smaller outings like this.
In a situation where Erwin McManus wanted to provide an intense program of accelerated spiritual growth for his future replacement as pastor, he invited the person (a believer of less than one year) to live with him and his family for a year. About this particular case, McManus writes, "I was inviting him to observe us up close. We, too, would not be able to hide who we are. This was not a formal discipleship structure. It was an invitation to enter our lives and know us for who we really are. If you want to increase your influence, risk bringing people up close. Of course, it is important to first ask the question, If I bring someone close enough to see the real me, what will he see? Who will he become?" (Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment, p. 128).
After we got back, our friend's brother came by and picked her up. We then moved into the next phase of our day: rest time for the kids and me getting ready for the 3 University of Georgia students to come over for orientation and supper.
Lauren, Lisa, and Britt arrived yesterday afternoon for a weeklong project with the arts ministry. I arranged for their housing, including last night's stay in a youth hostel near our apartment. Before they came, I mixed the crêpe batter and did a final revision and printing of their schedule.
I was about to get the vacuum out when the doorbell rang and it was them. Our living room accumulates crumbs very quickly and needs to be vacuumed at least every other day. However, this often doesn't happen. Nearly 20 years ago, I remember a colleague with 4 kids saying that one price of showing hospitality was not being able to have her house completely cleaned and arranged when people came over. Now I understand and live this reality. We try to keep it picked up and arranged in a way that shows order, following some of the ideas of Edith Schaeffer, wife and ministry partner of European ministry and art ministry pioneer Francis Schaeffer. But having everything spotless just isn't compatible with showing hospitality. If we want our house to be a museum, then we won't be able to have people over.
We apologized for the crumbs on the floor and said that we were just about to vacuum. It didn't seem to matter to them. What was more important was the meal and time that we enjoyed together. We've done crêpe nights many times over the years with teams that have come and everyone seems to have enjoyed them.
The 3 students will be back over for lunch today and we probably still won't have vacuumed, due to lack of time and energy. Oh well. Maybe tonight?
jeudi 6 mars 2008
Influence
Yesterday I had some reading time on the subway and bus traveling to a morning ministry meeting, as well as waiting for an hour during an appointment of my son. I love the reading times like these that are regularly available in Paris in the midst of normal life events that are necessary and seemingly mundane.
I'm back at Erwin McManus' wonderful book "Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment." I loved his chapter titled "influence." It was a good reminder that so much about living in a way that my life has long-term impact on events and people is about how I influence (or don't influence) those around me.
Here are some excerpts from the section "influence goes deep" (pp. 124-126) of his book:
I'm back at Erwin McManus' wonderful book "Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment." I loved his chapter titled "influence." It was a good reminder that so much about living in a way that my life has long-term impact on events and people is about how I influence (or don't influence) those around me.
Here are some excerpts from the section "influence goes deep" (pp. 124-126) of his book:
Influence can do what command can never do; it can win the hearts of people. You can pay people to do a job, but you can't pay them to change their minds or, more accurately, to change their hearts. External power has the limitation of bringing external change. Influence is the material of internal power. Again, influence is not about position or delegated authority or endless forms of power. Influence is born out of a person, who that person is, and translates to how it affects the heart of another person. Real influence goes deep. It changes how a person feels about something. It has direct impact not only on how a person acts, but also on what he believes and what he is committed to.
We understand the difference between authority and influence when we watch our children grow up. What your children act like when they're under your authority is different from who they become as a result of your influence...Great parenting is all about influence. It is more about shaping values than it is about setting boundaries.
As a parent...the love and respect my children have for me are far more powerful than any rules or potential punishment...There's no more rewarding experience than when my children are motivated by their own value systems to do what is right. It is without question that value systems are transferred through a connection of the heart. Even though my kids have grown up in church, their love for truth is not the result of exhaustive research. Their desire to do good is not the result of logical deduction. And one thing I am eternally grateful for is that we pass on not just who we are, but who we genuinely desire to become. Our children see our flaws, our faults, and yes, even our sins. The compensating grace is that they are also able, when we in humility repent and confess our shortcomings, to see what we aspire to be. Our influence is not limited to our present condition. It is expanded by our intended destination when we are committed to the journey. Influence is rooted in charcter--who we are and who we are becoming. Influence transfers best and moves most quickly whenever respect and trust are present. When the environment is right, influence goes deep. It goes to the very core of who we are.
The most important influences in people's lives are the ones who have helped shape who they are. You really can know a person by his friends. Trustworthy people are surrounded by people who trust them. And women and men who are genuinely Christlike are surrounded by those who long to be more like Christ. Character breeds influence. Influence shapes character. The relationship between character and influence is like breathing--the deeper you inhale, the stronger you can exhale. Take your character deep and your influence will be profound.
mardi 4 mars 2008
Solitude
Solitude is something that I don't get that much of as a father of 3 young kids in a small Paris apartment. I'm a slight "I" (introvert) on the Meijers-Briggs Personality Inventory in that I get energized by solitude. I enjoy my people time, but need an occasional batch of solitude. To get it now, I often have to stay up later or get up earlier than the rest of the family.
Henri Nouwen's Lenten devotional for this past Sunday dealt with solitude. In "Show Me the Way," He writes (p. 103):
Henri Nouwen's Lenten devotional for this past Sunday dealt with solitude. In "Show Me the Way," He writes (p. 103):
Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into the furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant ("turn stones into bread"), to be spectacular ("throw yourself down"), and to be powerful ("I will give you all these kingdoms"). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity ("You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone"). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and great encounter--the struggle against the compulsions of the false self and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self.
lundi 3 mars 2008
Pruning
Earlier today I heard the sound of a power saw outside. I felt right at home, as I used to do tree work in the early 1980s (and even in 1993) to help pay for my college tuition. The climber was nearly outside our window trimming away branches on a large tree in front of our apartment that hadn't been trimmed for 7 years.
My wife and kids enjoyed watching the climber cut limbs and drop them. I enjoyed not being the man on the ground who had to pick them up and avoid being hit.
For a tree to stay healthy, it is important to regularly prune it. Our tree has now lost some of its shade, at least for this summer, as all of the smaller branches were removed. It's pretty bare and looks like a skeleton of what it was. However, this pruning allows for the most important parts of the tree to have an easier time getting the nutrients from the soil and the rain water that it needs. If it were never trimmed, then it would be at greater risk for different tree illnesses that can rot away its inside while the outside still looks good. I've seen some pretty large trees that suddenly crashed during a storm because they weren't healthy on the inside.
Lent is a time of life pruning. It's a time of self-examination and evaluation of what is important and what is urgent. Sometimes, what appears to be urgent isn't really important, like some phone calls. Sometimes, what is important, but isn't necessarily urgent, gets crowded out of our schedule by all the noise in our lives.
Last week I had the chance to read the short booklet by R.A. Torrey titled "Why God Used D.L. Moody" (Worldwide Publications, 1992). Torrey suggests the following reasons:
1. A fully surrendered man
2. A man of prayer
3. A deep and practical student of the Bible
4. A humble man
5. His entire freedom from the love of money
6. A consuming passion for the salvation of the lost
7. Definitely endued from power from on high
These are all good standards to which I can compare where I'm currently at.
My wife and kids enjoyed watching the climber cut limbs and drop them. I enjoyed not being the man on the ground who had to pick them up and avoid being hit.
For a tree to stay healthy, it is important to regularly prune it. Our tree has now lost some of its shade, at least for this summer, as all of the smaller branches were removed. It's pretty bare and looks like a skeleton of what it was. However, this pruning allows for the most important parts of the tree to have an easier time getting the nutrients from the soil and the rain water that it needs. If it were never trimmed, then it would be at greater risk for different tree illnesses that can rot away its inside while the outside still looks good. I've seen some pretty large trees that suddenly crashed during a storm because they weren't healthy on the inside.
Lent is a time of life pruning. It's a time of self-examination and evaluation of what is important and what is urgent. Sometimes, what appears to be urgent isn't really important, like some phone calls. Sometimes, what is important, but isn't necessarily urgent, gets crowded out of our schedule by all the noise in our lives.
Last week I had the chance to read the short booklet by R.A. Torrey titled "Why God Used D.L. Moody" (Worldwide Publications, 1992). Torrey suggests the following reasons:
1. A fully surrendered man
2. A man of prayer
3. A deep and practical student of the Bible
4. A humble man
5. His entire freedom from the love of money
6. A consuming passion for the salvation of the lost
7. Definitely endued from power from on high
These are all good standards to which I can compare where I'm currently at.
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